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by Hundmutter on 12 December 2020 - 08:12
HD I don't think you & I are all that far apart on those ideas, although the one I REALLY disagree with you on would be that not having been able at 16 to access the Pill would have RUINED my life ! As it was, I had to wait the remainder of my 15th year, because when the Pill first came in you had to be married; then you had to be 16 & over. There was nothing but back-street abortion at that time. I think, from women I have known over my 66 years, the idea that people SIMPLY use abortion as a supposedly easy form of birth control is vastly over-exagerated. For reasons like those given by Sunsilver.
But while I would like everybody to ideally believe in those things that you describe (dual-parenting, self-restraint and so on) MY 'open mind' tells me that realistically not everyone feels - or is able & in a position to feel - the way I do, and it would be unreasonable therefore to support political decisions that enforce my preferences on them.
by Hired Dog on 12 December 2020 - 08:12
Again, I will go back to that point of accountability and being responsible and I will also state, categorically, that I am not responsible for others actions, only my own.
Having said that, I have raised 3 boys the oldest of which is 37 and the youngest will be 18 in 2 months and I have NEVER had any problems with any of them engaging in sketchy behavior, ever.
I am a very firm believer in personal responsibility, more than anything else actually and I wish more parents would instill that in their kids heads, especially today.
I believe that both sides of the isle have some good ideas and both sides have some really weird ones. I believe that having too much freedom leads down the wrong path, most of the time.
I believe in having clear, well defined boundaries that you will not dare cross, not so much because of legal involvement by the State, but, because you realize that you will have to own up to whatever you did and pay for it.
I can go on about this for a while, but, I do not want to bore anyone with my beliefs.
by Sunsilver on 12 December 2020 - 12:12
Hired Dog, I HATE to see abortion used as a form of birth control. And I hate even more to see young women's lives ruined by back-room abortions. Call the Midwife did an episode about it recently. A woman who had been doing abortions for decades was ratted out when her grand-daughter (a nurse/midwife) realized what was going on. I'm sure the writers researched this very carefully - when she was sent to prison, she told her grand-daughter there were over FIFTY women in the prison in jail for the SAME CRIME! And that's just the ones who were caught.
And yes, teaching kids to exercise self-control is great. I am all for teaching personal responsibility.
BUT it has been shown again and again, teenagers are NOT going to act responsibly when it comes to abstinence or birth control, and it's the girl who pays the price, again and again. Most single moms live in poverty. A lot of them never escape the cycle. And you would NOT believe the number of teens I've heard of/met who were sexually abused by fathers, stepfathers, uncles or neighbours, and had babies as a result! There was one woman in our church who was raped by her father at age 6, and nearly died as a result.
Parents tell you not to do it. How many people do you know that smoke? Were THEY told not to smoke by their parents? You betcha! Did it work? Bwahhhaahaaaha! Nope. We have to face reality - saying 'no' to teenagers often just makes the 'forbidden fruit' more attractive. And teen boys have higher testosterone levels than they ever will have again in their lives.
Stats have shown again and again, the way to cut the number of abortions is early sex education, and making birth control more readily available. Another way is to make adoption cheaper and easier, and provide better support for teen mothers.
by Sunsilver on 12 December 2020 - 12:12
And while we're on this topic, I just saw this on FB. Some of you will be shocked by it. It makes me angry at our society, but no, given what I posted above, I'm not surprised or shocked. If I had my way, beauty pageants for girls younger than marriageable age would be BANNED!! (Yeah, in your dreams, woman...)
by Hundmutter on 12 December 2020 - 13:12
Don't see those so much these days - changes in legislation, school curriculums and political 'ethics' have, I suspect, closed the difference quite a bit (not necessarily all in the right direction). Certainly enough of a difference to convince me, that's for sure.
by Sunsilver on 12 December 2020 - 13:12
Some girls already HAVE their periods by Grade 7!
by Hundmutter on 12 December 2020 - 15:12
by Hired Dog on 12 December 2020 - 15:12
My kids have the same thing, as far as I am concerned, if you live here, you live by the rules of this house, end of.
I remember complaining at my parents when I was young, same as my kids did, but, nothing good happens out there after 10PM.
I have kids that are on the Dean's list every semester, every year in high school. I have respectful young men, my two younger ones, neither has been sexually active and I cannot complain.
Is that because I am tough, maybe. Is it because I expect things done and done a certain way, sure, but, here we are.
My kids tell me that I am not a normal dad because I tell them I love them every day...I guess other dads dont?
Look, if parents are not involved in their kids lives, especially before they are 10-12, there will be problems. I have my doubts as to whether kids listen to their parents or not, mine certainly do. They are encouraged to share anything they have in mind and some of the best times I have had have been around this kitchen table, spending hours talking with them. They have boundaries, they KNOW when and why the hammer will drop, so far, that hammer never has, I am thinking of retiring it since my youngest will be 18 in 2 months.
I will leave you with this, my mom who is religious, used to tell me, "even the angels in Heaven need something to be afraid of"...yeah, consequences, like I have always told my kids, everyone pays, sooner or later, everyone does.
by Sunsilver on 12 December 2020 - 15:12
HD, wish I had a penny for every time I've heard parents say, "Oh, my son/daughter would NEVER do that!"
I could tell you a story about my own family - kids raised right, church activities, boundaries, etc. The son met a girl at church summer camp, got her pregnant. Abortion was out of the question due to religious views. He loves his son to no end, and the boy has turned out okay, with the father only having access on weekends and holidays, but the father's still single at age 40 as a result of this unplanned pregnancy.
For every success story like yours, I can tell you about a dozen failures. One girl I was friends with in high school had super-strict parents, who refused to let the kids do much of anything. Once the parental controls were gone, the son engaged in some incredibly risky behaviour that could have killed him. Fortunately, my friend had more sense than he did.
Another young man: president of the student council 2 years in a row, president of the Boy's Athletic Association, belonged to a Bible Study group in the school, quarterback of the football team, scholarship winner, etc. etc. Fried his brain with drugs after high school, and spent his life pushing a broom as a custodian...
Not all parents are like yours (and mine) and even if they are, there's no telling what the kids might do when they decide to rebel against what they see as overly strict and unfair parental rules. I really think this is one situation where an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!
by Hundmutter on 12 December 2020 - 15:12
Some people's dads are not there, to tell them they love them everyday.
Despite coming from a 'broken home' & thus suffering disapproval from some in society (like it was MY fault my dad had left my mum ?), and without 'benefit' of religious belief, I managed to grow up and be useful in this world, without getting arrested for anything; or getting addicted to anything.
I didn't manage to avoid being sexually abused by a neighbour and subsequently exploited by other men too ... where did I go wrong ?
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